You know how everybody says to “keep your head up” when things get tough?
I don’t buy it. At least not when it comes to business or personal growth.
Because you know what happens when I keep my head up? I see what everybody else is doing. And when I see what everybody else is doing, I begin to doubt myself. I question myself.
And I spend a lot of time not doing what I should be doing to get where I want to be.
When I see Sally Freckleface is making progress, getting clients, and changing her life… it makes me envious and sometimes a little depressed. Never mind the fact that she’s probably 2,817 steps ahead of me in her journey and started quite some time ago… I still get overwhelmed with the work ahead of me that I have to do to be even remotely close to where Sally is right now.
I ask questions: Is all the work worth it? Can I really do this? Can I really become this?
I start writing all kinds of stories in my mind about Sally, her journey, and myself. Oh, I’ll never be able to compete with Sally. Sally probably just got lucky… that only happens once in a lifetime, not to people like me.
Sometimes I go into a Facebook group and post something about how nervous I am about starting, finishing, or just trying X, Y, and/or Z. I ask for other people’s opinions and advice, believing they’ll be the ones to take me with them in some way, or say some magic words that’ll make me a little less scared or make the journey easier somehow.
I’ll then spend three or four hours of my day sitting on Facebook, in a fog of weird anxiety, watching my notifications to see how other people respond to my post. Sometimes they won’t say what I need to hear, which can discourage me; other times, they’ll temporarily mask my fear and make me feel invincible. If they can do it, so can I!
Their responses change my emotions — how I feel about what I need to do — but they don’t get any of it done. I essentially spent four valuable hours of my time trying to make myself feel better.
But… but… but… I need answers. I need support! I need motivation! I justify it by calling it research. I’ll say just about anything to myself to justify the time spent… to justify WHY I’m not just doing the work.
All the time I spend worrying, fretting, wondering, and posing question after question — that won’t have an answer specific to me until I get out of my comfort zone and DO SOMETHING — is time I spent not doing anything.
Not getting anywhere.
Just like yesterday and several days last week (!!).
I’ve fooled myself many times into thinking all this stalling is just research; I’m just “doing my due diligence”… but in reality I’m procrastinating. I’m afraid of what will happen if I just get out there and do the thing. And I don’t even realize the more time I spend scared and inactive, the longer it’s going to take me to achieve my goals. That’s the real scary part!
Have you been there with me?
It’s okay; we all have. I tell you this very personal story because, despite my own success in business, hardly a day goes by where I don’t find myself scrolling through my Facebook feed, yet again, to see a Sally Freckleface broadcasting her success… it sends my self-confidence plummeting, and it sends my self-doubt soaring.
The same questions bubble up: Is all the work worth it? Can I really do this? Can I really become this?
Many times I’ve let myself just stew in the bad feelings, prolonging the procrastination day after day. Thank goodness I recognized what I was doing to myself.
I’ve gotten to the point now where I just don’t scroll through Facebook to see what everyone else is up to.
I don’t bother “checking out the competition.”
I ignore pretty much everyone most of the time. I’m not going to base my potential for success on someone else’s effort. My success depends entirely on MY effort.
So I just scribble neatly write out my goals, and I tackle them one at a time (or one step at a time, if it’s a big’un!). I know if I spend time on Facebook or too much time snooping around on other people’s businesses, I’ll spend less time making progress on the home front. I know what I need to do, and I don’t need to know what everyone else is doing in order to do it.
It’s not that I don’t like other people or don’t want them to succeed — quite the opposite. But when I’ve already got a clear path to success and already know what I should be doing, the stuff somebody else is doing is just a distraction.
When I’m plum plumb out of ideas, I’ll go looking for more, but until then, my head is down.
Ignoring everyone else.
Doin’ the work.
Getting results.
Your Turn
Been there? Holler at me in the comments!
Man alive, this really resonated with me. I’ve been plagued by self-doubt lately and I think I’ve probably spent more time looking for advice and encouragement than actually working on action items. I needed to read this today! Thanks!
Glad to be of assistance, Jessica!! 🙂 It’s funny how much we tend to look for advice when we already know exactly what to do!! 😀
Great article! I literally just posted asking for encouragement and advice yesterday because of my lack of confidence to commit and fear of failure after taking a step of faith. No one can make decisions for me. I just need to move forward!
Awesome. You know you better than they do!! 😀
This is exactly what I needed to hear this week. It’s confirmation of what I’ve already been thinking! As much as I love the Facebook groups you’ve created for those of us who have gone through the course, I’ve realized that I need to pay less attention to them for a while so that I stop comparing myself to what others are doing and just do what I need to do to run my business! Not that I’m going to disappear from the groups completely because — let’s face it — it’s an amazing group of people! 🙂
I know, right!? I get more done when I just stay out. One day a week I’ll spend a few hours in there, but that’s it. We gotta set boundaries!
I actually just shut down my Facebook because of this problem! I spent way too much time looking at others and feeling down about myself. When in reality usually people are struggling just the same but only put the best parts of themselves out there lol (myself included). I just keep telling myself if I ignore all the distractions and focus on what I need to do, there’s no way that I can fail!!
You are SO right about that! That is how successful people think. 🙂
Great advice!! We all know this but need to be reminded of it anyway!
And Sally Freckleface… too funny!
Right?! We all need these great reminders now and again! 🙂
YES. I compare myself to YOU all the time, and I have convinced myself that you are simply one of those superwomen out there (usually younger than I) whose achievements I could never, ever match. So then I just have to remind myself that we don’t necessarily have the same goals, I am not trying to build a 7-figure business, nor am I wired to be a super high-achiever. There will always be someone who is more successful, smarter, richer, has a nicer car, better hair, better everything. Self-acceptance is the way. The only way.
This was such a great read. Although I now have my business established, I still experience moments of self-doubt. It’s usually when I compare myself to someone who has been in the game for much longer than I have. Those kinds of comparisons can really bring you down. As you said, checking out the competition isn’t always helpful! My time is better spent nurturing and growing my own business.
I completely agree, Katy! The comparison game does nothing for us. Good luck with your business! 🙂
Great article. It’s pretty funny when someone once told me to “keep your chin up”.
All I could think about was WHY? especially when I need to keep it down and concentrate.
That’s so true! We need to keep our chin down and get to work! 🙂
Yup! Needed to hear this today. I have been fighting this war with myself for several weeks now. Do I leave FB alone and get stuff done for myself or do I continue to cheer everyone else on? I still am wondering which one of me will win. I hope it will be my success choosing side!
I struggle with that too, Sue! Facebook can get distracting, and at times it’s best to turn off those notifications and concentrate on your work. 🙂
Spot on! Great post 🙂
So glad you enjoyed it, Victoria! 🙂
Absolutely, comparison can be so depressing! Occasionally it can be motivational, but I think you’re right that it’s more often a dangerous distraction.
It really is depressing. We start looking at our shortcomings, and then we lose motivation to keep going. 🙁
Definitely been right there with you. When I first started freelance writing, I was there all the time – mostly scrolling through Pinterest then – to see other people’s successes. And now that I’ve started a blog fairly recently, I’m there on Facebook scouring for “help.”
I’ve changed my mindset about it all very recently. I’m doing the 80-20 rule, but I’m doing it opposite of what most people do. Most people spend 20% of their time writing or working on whatever craft it is they do and 80% of their time marketing it and on other business tasks. I’m doing the opposite – devoting 80% of my time to my craft, and 20% to the business side of things. It’s been working out pretty well.
Now about the only time I use social media is when I’m looking for 2nd opinions on something very specific. Like “which photo do you think would go better” or “Which turn of phrase sounds better for such and such situation” and I leave it at that. No more getting lost in the social media whirlwind.
That’s wonderful, Tessy! Thank you for sharing! I’m going to try that. 🙂
…and the next time you post all my business on one of your blogs, the least you can do is give a gal a heads-up! lol
Awesome post!
Right?! This post really spoke to me too! How does Caitlin do that?! 🙂
I totally get it Caitlin. There is a certain course I am supposed to be working on and I see all the success stories. Many people are doing so well and at the same time I see many people who are saying the course is so hard and demanding. That is a good thing though as it makes the people actually learn something. I do not think it serves anyone to just let people slide through. Yet when I read the stories of how hard the course is I just tell myself I will get started tomorrow as if maybe I will be more ready then. I know I am smart. I know I have the skills to get it done. I have the Eagle Eye. I studied English at USC. I can build websites and market myself. I hate working for The Man. I have another secret weapon I can unleash when I finish the course. So what am I waiting for? Time to put my head down and stopping worrying about what the others think or say. Time to just do this!
Wow! Yeah, you totally have what it takes! 🙂
Thanks for the reminder. It is tremendous to know I am not the only person with those crazy thoughts of comparison. Thanks for the post.Starting new careers are always hard. and will take planning and one step at a time. Thanks needed the encouragement
I am definitely in that area of fear right now. Your article spoke to me in a personal way. Only difference is I stay off Facebook. I would love to get others feedback and inspirational quotes. But like you Caitlin, I could lose myself for hours worrying, doubting and craving that one comment that will solve every insecurity I have about the success I want so bad I can taste it. I am my worst enemy when it comes to self doubt and getting out of my comfort zone. But I am pushing myself to continue. I will get success, with the help of your course. Thanks for your inspiring story.
I needed to read this right now. I literally just wrote a Twitter thread on this exact topic, being frozen by other people’s successes. Thanks, Caitlin.
So glad you enjoyed the post! We know what we should do, but it’s always great to have these motivational reminders. 🙂
I have a trick I use when I find myself comparing. I remember that the only person I’m allowed to compare myself to is myself. Am I, personally, better than yesterday or last year or the previous decade? Why, yes I am! And how did I, personally, get from there to here? Now? Aahhh. Right. I kept moving and improving myself. Not someone else. Just me.
ABSOLUTELY!!!! I just had this same conversation with another budding entrepreneur. I research and research and then I hoard all the information I collect. Then I drown in all of the conflicting information and get stuck on where to start. me. Being still, stagnate or whatever only prolongs me getting started and encourages my doubts/fears. I know by nature, I don’t do well in the gray areas of life. I like a template, outline or a play book to help me along. Logically, I know that what works for one may not work for me. I will never know until I step out there. Mistakes are necessary for success. If I don’t make them, how will I know where I need to make improvements or if I have made improvements!!