You know how everybody says to “keep your head up” when things get tough?
I don’t buy it. At least not when it comes to business or personal growth.
Because you know what happens when I keep my head up? I see what everybody else is doing. And when I see what everybody else is doing, I begin to doubt myself. I question myself.
And I spend a lot of time not doing what I should be doing to get where I want to be.
When I see Sally Freckleface is making progress, getting clients, and changing her life… it makes me envious and sometimes a little depressed. Never mind the fact that she’s probably 2,817 steps ahead of me in her journey and started quite some time ago… I still get overwhelmed with the work ahead of me that I have to do to be even remotely close to where Sally is right now.
I ask questions: Is all the work worth it? Can I really do this? Can I really become this?
I start writing all kinds of stories in my mind about Sally, her journey, and myself. Oh, I’ll never be able to compete with Sally. Sally probably just got lucky… that only happens once in a lifetime, not to people like me.
Sometimes I go into a Facebook group and post something about how nervous I am about starting, finishing, or just trying X, Y, and/or Z. I ask for other people’s opinions and advice, believing they’ll be the ones to take me with them in some way, or say some magic words that’ll make me a little less scared or make the journey easier somehow.
I’ll then spend three or four hours of my day sitting on Facebook, in a fog of weird anxiety, watching my notifications to see how other people respond to my post. Sometimes they won’t say what I need to hear, which can discourage me; other times, they’ll temporarily mask my fear and make me feel invincible. If they can do it, so can I!
Their responses change my emotions — how I feel about what I need to do — but they don’t get any of it done. I essentially spent four valuable hours of my time trying to make myself feel better.
But… but… but… I need answers. I need support! I need motivation! I justify it by calling it research. I’ll say just about anything to myself to justify the time spent… to justify WHY I’m not just doing the work.
All the time I spend worrying, fretting, wondering, and posing question after question — that won’t have an answer specific to me until I get out of my comfort zone and DO SOMETHING — is time I spent not doing anything.
Not getting anywhere.
Just like yesterday and several days last week (!!).
I’ve fooled myself many times into thinking all this stalling is just research; I’m just “doing my due diligence”… but in reality I’m procrastinating. I’m afraid of what will happen if I just get out there and do the thing. And I don’t even realize the more time I spend scared and inactive, the longer it’s going to take me to achieve my goals. That’s the real scary part!
Have you been there with me?
It’s okay; we all have. I tell you this very personal story because, despite my own success in business, hardly a day goes by where I don’t find myself scrolling through my Facebook feed, yet again, to see a Sally Freckleface broadcasting her success… it sends my self-confidence plummeting, and it sends my self-doubt soaring.
The same questions bubble up: Is all the work worth it? Can I really do this? Can I really become this?
Many times I’ve let myself just stew in the bad feelings, prolonging the procrastination day after day. Thank goodness I recognized what I was doing to myself.
I’ve gotten to the point now where I just don’t scroll through Facebook to see what everyone else is up to.
I don’t bother “checking out the competition.”
I ignore pretty much everyone most of the time. I’m not going to base my potential for success on someone else’s effort. My success depends entirely on MY effort.
So I just scribble neatly write out my goals, and I tackle them one at a time (or one step at a time, if it’s a big’un!). I know if I spend time on Facebook or too much time snooping around on other people’s businesses, I’ll spend less time making progress on the home front. I know what I need to do, and I don’t need to know what everyone else is doing in order to do it.
It’s not that I don’t like other people or don’t want them to succeed — quite the opposite. But when I’ve already got a clear path to success and already know what I should be doing, the stuff somebody else is doing is just a distraction.
When I’m plum plumb out of ideas, I’ll go looking for more, but until then, my head is down.
Ignoring everyone else.
Doin’ the work.
Getting results.
Your Turn
Been there? Holler at me in the comments!
JessicaKennerly says
January 23, 2017 at 5:41 pmMan alive, this really resonated with me. I’ve been plagued by self-doubt lately and I think I’ve probably spent more time looking for advice and encouragement than actually working on action items. I needed to read this today! Thanks!
Caitlin Pyle says
January 23, 2017 at 11:29 pmGlad to be of assistance, Jessica!! 🙂 It’s funny how much we tend to look for advice when we already know exactly what to do!! 😀
Tiffany says
January 24, 2017 at 9:11 amGreat article! I literally just posted asking for encouragement and advice yesterday because of my lack of confidence to commit and fear of failure after taking a step of faith. No one can make decisions for me. I just need to move forward!
Caitlin Pyle says
January 24, 2017 at 2:06 pmAwesome. You know you better than they do!! 😀
Rebecca says
January 24, 2017 at 10:20 amThis is exactly what I needed to hear this week. It’s confirmation of what I’ve already been thinking! As much as I love the Facebook groups you’ve created for those of us who have gone through the course, I’ve realized that I need to pay less attention to them for a while so that I stop comparing myself to what others are doing and just do what I need to do to run my business! Not that I’m going to disappear from the groups completely because — let’s face it — it’s an amazing group of people! 🙂
Caitlin Pyle says
January 24, 2017 at 1:35 pmI know, right!? I get more done when I just stay out. One day a week I’ll spend a few hours in there, but that’s it. We gotta set boundaries!
Kayleen says
January 31, 2017 at 2:32 pmI actually just shut down my Facebook because of this problem! I spent way too much time looking at others and feeling down about myself. When in reality usually people are struggling just the same but only put the best parts of themselves out there lol (myself included). I just keep telling myself if I ignore all the distractions and focus on what I need to do, there’s no way that I can fail!!
Brooke (PA Team) says
January 31, 2017 at 8:34 pmYou are SO right about that! That is how successful people think. 🙂
Kelly says
February 5, 2017 at 4:11 pmGreat advice!! We all know this but need to be reminded of it anyway!
And Sally Freckleface… too funny!
Maia (PA Team) says
February 5, 2017 at 7:26 pmRight?! We all need these great reminders now and again! 🙂
Randy says
March 7, 2017 at 2:49 pmYES. I compare myself to YOU all the time, and I have convinced myself that you are simply one of those superwomen out there (usually younger than I) whose achievements I could never, ever match. So then I just have to remind myself that we don’t necessarily have the same goals, I am not trying to build a 7-figure business, nor am I wired to be a super high-achiever. There will always be someone who is more successful, smarter, richer, has a nicer car, better hair, better everything. Self-acceptance is the way. The only way.
Katy says
March 10, 2017 at 7:18 amThis was such a great read. Although I now have my business established, I still experience moments of self-doubt. It’s usually when I compare myself to someone who has been in the game for much longer than I have. Those kinds of comparisons can really bring you down. As you said, checking out the competition isn’t always helpful! My time is better spent nurturing and growing my own business.
Maia (PA Team) says
March 10, 2017 at 12:35 pmI completely agree, Katy! The comparison game does nothing for us. Good luck with your business! 🙂
Faisal says
March 10, 2017 at 8:43 amGreat article. It’s pretty funny when someone once told me to “keep your chin up”.
All I could think about was WHY? especially when I need to keep it down and concentrate.
Maia (PA Team) says
March 10, 2017 at 12:36 pmThat’s so true! We need to keep our chin down and get to work! 🙂
Sue Brittain says
March 10, 2017 at 9:13 amYup! Needed to hear this today. I have been fighting this war with myself for several weeks now. Do I leave FB alone and get stuff done for myself or do I continue to cheer everyone else on? I still am wondering which one of me will win. I hope it will be my success choosing side!
Maia (PA Team) says
March 10, 2017 at 12:39 pmI struggle with that too, Sue! Facebook can get distracting, and at times it’s best to turn off those notifications and concentrate on your work. 🙂
Victoria says
March 10, 2017 at 9:37 amSpot on! Great post 🙂
Maia (PA Team) says
March 10, 2017 at 12:40 pmSo glad you enjoyed it, Victoria! 🙂
Mrs. COD says
March 10, 2017 at 9:51 amAbsolutely, comparison can be so depressing! Occasionally it can be motivational, but I think you’re right that it’s more often a dangerous distraction.
Maia (PA Team) says
March 10, 2017 at 12:42 pmIt really is depressing. We start looking at our shortcomings, and then we lose motivation to keep going. 🙁
Tessy says
March 10, 2017 at 11:06 amDefinitely been right there with you. When I first started freelance writing, I was there all the time – mostly scrolling through Pinterest then – to see other people’s successes. And now that I’ve started a blog fairly recently, I’m there on Facebook scouring for “help.”
I’ve changed my mindset about it all very recently. I’m doing the 80-20 rule, but I’m doing it opposite of what most people do. Most people spend 20% of their time writing or working on whatever craft it is they do and 80% of their time marketing it and on other business tasks. I’m doing the opposite – devoting 80% of my time to my craft, and 20% to the business side of things. It’s been working out pretty well.
Now about the only time I use social media is when I’m looking for 2nd opinions on something very specific. Like “which photo do you think would go better” or “Which turn of phrase sounds better for such and such situation” and I leave it at that. No more getting lost in the social media whirlwind.
Maia (PA Team) says
March 10, 2017 at 6:42 pmThat’s wonderful, Tessy! Thank you for sharing! I’m going to try that. 🙂
Deitra says
March 10, 2017 at 11:39 am…and the next time you post all my business on one of your blogs, the least you can do is give a gal a heads-up! lol
Awesome post!
Maia (PA Team) says
March 10, 2017 at 6:43 pmRight?! This post really spoke to me too! How does Caitlin do that?! 🙂
Troy Swezey says
March 10, 2017 at 2:23 pmI totally get it Caitlin. There is a certain course I am supposed to be working on and I see all the success stories. Many people are doing so well and at the same time I see many people who are saying the course is so hard and demanding. That is a good thing though as it makes the people actually learn something. I do not think it serves anyone to just let people slide through. Yet when I read the stories of how hard the course is I just tell myself I will get started tomorrow as if maybe I will be more ready then. I know I am smart. I know I have the skills to get it done. I have the Eagle Eye. I studied English at USC. I can build websites and market myself. I hate working for The Man. I have another secret weapon I can unleash when I finish the course. So what am I waiting for? Time to put my head down and stopping worrying about what the others think or say. Time to just do this!
Maia (PA Team) says
March 10, 2017 at 6:45 pmWow! Yeah, you totally have what it takes! 🙂
Wayne Kuphal says
March 11, 2017 at 2:51 pmThanks for the reminder. It is tremendous to know I am not the only person with those crazy thoughts of comparison. Thanks for the post.Starting new careers are always hard. and will take planning and one step at a time. Thanks needed the encouragement
Mary Pfeiffer says
March 13, 2017 at 12:54 pmI am definitely in that area of fear right now. Your article spoke to me in a personal way. Only difference is I stay off Facebook. I would love to get others feedback and inspirational quotes. But like you Caitlin, I could lose myself for hours worrying, doubting and craving that one comment that will solve every insecurity I have about the success I want so bad I can taste it. I am my worst enemy when it comes to self doubt and getting out of my comfort zone. But I am pushing myself to continue. I will get success, with the help of your course. Thanks for your inspiring story.
njamnia says
May 23, 2017 at 12:28 pmI needed to read this right now. I literally just wrote a Twitter thread on this exact topic, being frozen by other people’s successes. Thanks, Caitlin.
Maia (PA Team) says
May 23, 2017 at 3:31 pmSo glad you enjoyed the post! We know what we should do, but it’s always great to have these motivational reminders. 🙂
Crystal says
July 25, 2017 at 7:52 pmI have a trick I use when I find myself comparing. I remember that the only person I’m allowed to compare myself to is myself. Am I, personally, better than yesterday or last year or the previous decade? Why, yes I am! And how did I, personally, get from there to here? Now? Aahhh. Right. I kept moving and improving myself. Not someone else. Just me.
Tracey says
July 31, 2017 at 12:00 pmABSOLUTELY!!!! I just had this same conversation with another budding entrepreneur. I research and research and then I hoard all the information I collect. Then I drown in all of the conflicting information and get stuck on where to start. me. Being still, stagnate or whatever only prolongs me getting started and encourages my doubts/fears. I know by nature, I don’t do well in the gray areas of life. I like a template, outline or a play book to help me along. Logically, I know that what works for one may not work for me. I will never know until I step out there. Mistakes are necessary for success. If I don’t make them, how will I know where I need to make improvements or if I have made improvements!!
Genesis says
September 22, 2017 at 5:29 pmThis is such an issue for me! I have difficulty shutting it down and start to over-research everything. It’s frustrating and such a waste of time!
Kristina (PA Team) says
September 22, 2017 at 9:55 pmIt can definitely be both a blessing and a curse to have so much information at your fingertips. Make sure your research doesn’t prevent you from taking action! 🙂
Bertha says
January 23, 2018 at 6:03 amGreat read! and complete truth, I needed that reminder, Thanks
Kristina (PA Team) says
January 23, 2018 at 10:48 amGlad you enjoyed it! It’s definitely a good reminder for ALL of us. 🙂
Jane Vincello says
February 1, 2018 at 12:42 amWow – definitely a mind shift. I appreciate your rigorous honesty. Trolling FB for useful information is so time consuming and random. But I wish I had one fellow student as a pen pal for mutual support, still! Can we find out if folks live in our same state? Anyways…
Kristina (PA Team) says
February 1, 2018 at 12:41 pmIf you’re enrolled in one of the courses, make sure you’re taking advantage of the PA Proofreaders Facebook group. You can definitely reach out to your fellow students there and likely find someone who lives in your state! 🙂
Martha08 says
February 15, 2018 at 10:47 pmHi Kristina,
I’m working my way through Module 4 and would love to joint the PA Proofreaders Facebook group. I tried the icon within the program, with no luck.
Could you provide me with a link, please?! I sent a support ticket too, no answer.
Thanks a bunch,
Martha Mayo
Rebecca (PA Team) says
February 16, 2018 at 9:58 amI am so sorry to hear that you’re having such issues getting in the group! An email was just sent to you with directions on how to get into the group. Make sure to search in all your tabs in Gmail as well as the spam folder. Let us know if you don’t get it! 🙂
Camille says
May 8, 2018 at 11:09 amWonderful tip today, Caitlyn. I really needed it – yesterday. lol. I had noticed my tendency to stray when I felt overwhelmed with my goals – so I stopped looking at FB, and will only log in after my work is done for the day – if that means I don’t log in then so be it.
There are a great number of support communities on FB – including yours of course. But I was spending my time going from one writing one to yours to a motivational one – and that’s as bad as just scrolling my news feed, right? lol. Giving myself parameters will enable me to focus on my goals – to be a proofreader, author, copywriter. My goals are not lofty to me – they are attainable. But not without work and focus. Thus no FB during work time. 🙂
Have a fabulous day all!
Stephanie says
July 17, 2018 at 10:30 amThis is exactly what I needed today! I’m starting to compare my work to others; but really, my life isn’t theirs. As long as I’m making progress, I don’t need to worry about anyone else’s.